Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
