My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
