Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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