Soap is not a condiment
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
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