I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
