I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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