you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.