i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.