Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.

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(609): so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton. http://tfl.nu/aawl

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is

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(321): Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is http://tfl.nu/m53n

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(515): View more from Iowa

Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.

(402): View more from Nebraska

but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.

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(515): Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs. (402): but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs. http://tfl.nu/7170

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(847): View more from Illinois

so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?

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(847): so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed? http://tfl.nu/gsu7

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.

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(412): its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him. http://tfl.nu/d3m1

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(303): View more from Colorado

i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk

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(303): i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk http://tfl.nu/s9es

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(248): View more from Michigan

Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?

(1-248): View more from Michigan

Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.

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(248): Any little, cute, petite blondes with you? (1-248): Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though. http://tfl.nu/s8t4

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(314): View more from Missouri

You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night

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(314): You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night http://tfl.nu/nbdz

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(503): View more from Oregon

well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.

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(503): well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up. http://tfl.nu/zf7z

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(812): View more from Indiana

obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date

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(812): obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date http://tfl.nu/sjjn

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets

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(267): Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets http://tfl.nu/behk

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(812): View more from Indiana

It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.

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(812): It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind. http://tfl.nu/4evb

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(303): View more from Colorado

Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?

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(303): Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night? http://tfl.nu/dyw8

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(316): View more from Kansas

She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.

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(316): She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public. http://tfl.nu/5b68

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(256): View more from Alabama

Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.

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(256): Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life. http://tfl.nu/8lve

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