Texts From Last Night

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  (386): View more from Florida

  First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.

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  (386): First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook. http://tfl.nu/2gux
  Replies (12) Good night (4993) Bad night (508)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes

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  (519): dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes http://tfl.nu/xjd2
  Replies (61) Good night (6229) Bad night (1068)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face

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  (609): Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face http://tfl.nu/s45z
  Replies (2) Good night (3386) Bad night (705)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire

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  (419): On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire http://tfl.nu/uiq5
  Replies (4) Good night (1216) Bad night (1095)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.

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  (843): So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay. http://tfl.nu/5u6r
  Replies (10) Good night (4417) Bad night (816)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high

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  (610): he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high http://tfl.nu/1b4w
  Replies (2) Good night (1582) Bad night (815)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...

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  (248): See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts... http://tfl.nu/yx0v
  Replies (5) Good night (1156) Bad night (589)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.

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  (816): We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have. http://tfl.nu/xov4
  Replies (9) Good night (1844) Bad night (474)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.

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  (202): Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation. http://tfl.nu/g1cn
  Replies (9) Good night (1069) Bad night (558)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?

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  (303): I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies (1-303): You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you? http://tfl.nu/cczo
  Replies (5) Good night (1421) Bad night (520)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.

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  (225): You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness. http://tfl.nu/h6eg
  Replies (5) Good night (453) Bad night (950)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.

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  (732): I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night. http://tfl.nu/l68a
  Replies (4) Good night (1198) Bad night (387)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.

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  (970): I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows. http://tfl.nu/dlw8
  Replies (5) Good night (2395) Bad night (455)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...

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  (905): The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that... http://tfl.nu/6jhl
  Replies (3) Good night (798) Bad night (283)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.

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  (810): I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style. http://tfl.nu/iivw
  Replies (6) Good night (736) Bad night (384)

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