So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
His hands were made for my vagina.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends