OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
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She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
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I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?