Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
