I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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