apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
