Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
