If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
