he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
