he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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