Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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