its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i out mim tonsoeep
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