all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
