i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
they're like a gay fantastic four
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
