Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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