Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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