i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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