i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
