He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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