tonight lets celebrate not being married
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
