I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
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Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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