i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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