Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
