when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
