It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
