She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
