Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
