How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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