And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
