Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
