All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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