this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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