In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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