dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
