i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
