I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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