Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
