Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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