dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
