i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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