all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
