I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
