Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
it's like iHOP with fire
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
