I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
