Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Is it because I queefed?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
