you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
