you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
