so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
