last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
