Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
