guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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