I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
