Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
