singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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