I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
