You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
