Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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