So drunk its hurt
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
