I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
