I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
no you cant smoke seaweed
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
