Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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