I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
